You only need two tools in order to create a fire dragon. These are a can of deodorant and a lighter. Once you have both; simply light the lighter and spray the deodorant into the flame. And voila; you now have a red hot fire breathing dragon.
Now, I wouldn’t recommend experimenting with this personally; especially if you are fifteen and planning to do it outside Mrs G. Smith’s classroom. And there are several reasons for this. Reason one, she'll give you detention. Reason two is that she is rapidly approaching her century, and she flirts with people not even a quarter of her age. And reason three is, well there is no real reason three. However, I think the first two are good enough.
Yet, taking all the above out of the equation, Mrs G. Smith did teach me one valuable lesson. And before you conjure any revolting images of a woman old enough to have great grandkids and me getting a little bit frisky over Pythagoras theorem, stop right there. This is something far greater than any sexual advance. Mrs G. Smith introduced me to The Smiths.
Now, I’m still a firm believer that the only reason she used to listen to The Smiths is because of her surname. But that’s beside the point. You see, seeing that detention was afterschool, Mrs G. Smith used to listen to her radio whilst she marked maths papers, and I cleaned tables.
As I was trying to scrub graffiti, she used to listen to Meat is Murder on repeat. Before long, I knew every word to every song. I’ve been a massive Smiths fan ever since. So when I got the news that Morrissey hit the deck at one of his solo shows quicker than a kite that’s just flown through an electricity pylon, I wasn’t best pleased.
This all happened during the opening song of Morrissey's Swindon show. Witnesses say he was “straining" to during his performance of Smiths classic Charming Man. When the song came to the end he reportedly sunk to his knees and slumped over the stage.
Obviously, this is not good news. However, he has apparently been discharged from hospital – which is good news. So in tribute to Morrissey, below is one of my favourite snaps of the man sporting a huge quiff, with his home town in the background.
