Musical talent isn't really a must. It's all about image as opposed to application. Even if the music is rubbish, we're onto a winner as long as they look good. Now, even if people don't notice them for looking amazing, we'll send one on a reality TV show in order to raise awareness. Then when people stand up and take note, it's our time to shine.
We need to make sure that these recruits have the capacity to stay out all night whilst swearing at paparazzi. Although, I'm not bothered if they can really sing or not, we need to make sure that they are able to project their voices. Not in a blissful song-like-way. But in a, I'm going to fuck you up if you don't get that camera out of my face, like way. You see, it's fundamentally important they are able to start a fight at any time with anyone. This could include random members of the public, other celebrities, even their own reflection.
Then once all is said and done, and people realise that they can't sing, play music or entertain. They'll just disappear off the radar leaving me, the manager, cash rich.
You may be wondering what all this is about. However, can you remember that bunch of punk wannabes, Towers of London? Now, I don't blame you if you can't. I wiped them from my memory a long time ago. And if it wasn't for someone talking to me about them yesterday, it would have stayed that way.
You see, the above is probably something quite similar to what the Towers of London's manager put out when trying to recruit the band members in the first place. And thankfully for him, yet not so thankful for us, each and every one of them met that criteria.
So, it was to my amazement, and dismay, that I found out that they have picked back up the hairspray, put the skinny ripped jeans back on, and hit the road again on a new tour. However, it was to my total enjoyment that I found out that tour stops included places like the Queens Hotel in Weymouth.
Other bands to have graced the stage at Weymouth's premier night stop have been the Blazin Squad and N-Dubz. Now, I'm not sure how well Donny Tourette and co would have gone down. But, I'm guessing not well. And as good as I'm sure The Queens Hotel in Weymouth is, it's a far cry from where the Tower of London thought they would be at this point in time. I mean, it's hardly Sex Pistols-esque.
I’m sorry to put this on you on a Friday. Let’s just hope they slip away again quicker than a Johnny Vegas, Roseanne and Rick Waller love sandwich in quicksand.
